Closure

In Buddhism, “closure” isn’t typically used as a formal concept, but the idea of resolution, acceptance, or letting go aligns closely with several core principles of Buddhism. While the dharma rarely addresses closure directly it is an important practice for reducing and ending suffering after interactions with people and places and things, regardless of whether the interaction is positive or negative. Here we are suggesting a form of closure after every interpersonal interaction.

Closure is basically tidying up our narrative about what has been happening so it can be laid to rest with utter peacefulness. It is not a closing down, as in a restaurant closure, or ending, as in a relationship or marriage or death, but rather a peaceful and compassionate lens though which we finalize something, or more accurately we should finalize everything, every interaction.

Closure, like reconciliation, its dharma cousin, can be done by us alone. We are responsible for ending every event or interaction with kindness and compassion in its ending or send-off. That allows us to move forward without clinging and attachment to negative perceptions, narratives, or understandings, in ways that leave us stuck in pass impressions in the fictionalized future thinking, worrying, that we feel as the uneasiness of apprehension, and fear.

From a DeepDharma perspective, the lens of closure allows for the fulfillment of abiding in impermanence, and for profoundly understanding that while death is certain, the time of death is uncertain.  Here we see ‘death,” not as an end of life, but as a moment by moment event: in each moment I die and am reborn, with each thing I do I lose the previous thing and are born anew into the present thought or condition.

It’s not weird, in fact it is exactly the opposite. to do a beneficial closure in every interaction. In fact, it’s necessary for a wholesome, mindful life seeking liberation.

Like so many terms in Buddhism, closure takes on a different meaning than in normal parlance. This isn’t closure in the sense of sealing up something unpleasant or ending something like a business that has failed.

In the sense we are suggesting closure here arises from impermanence, which tells us that everything we say is meaningful, and that, because conditions may never give us a second opportunity to conclude an interaction with peacefulness, as we should every interaction 9either one of us involved in the interaction or event could die), we should take the moment to ensure that things conclude with a peaceful closure.

The time of death being uncertain, whether we think of death metaphorically or conventionally, emphasizes the importance of leaving things in a peaceful state, not letting conflict hang for another time, which may never come.

Closure includes a component of self-discipline, and sometimes restraint when the natural conventional inclination is to act otherwise, to act aggressively. But the path, even when clouded with unwholesome thoughts, is clear-cut and easy. Always end every interaction with closure that leaves you, or you and the other person involved, with a peaceful goodbye. Even if we never plan to see that person again, closure is important.

Bear in mind that closure includes self-reflection and active relationship building. The approach is to practice diligently and continuously promote compassion in relationships and in ourselves.

Usually closure is no more than a sentence or two that brings the event to a place of peace. But it is a reflection of the ethical and spiritual principles of compassion, lovingkindness, and the interdependence of all beings. It reflects the understanding from emptiness that all our actions and deeds are meaningful. It helps overcome self-centered suffering, as well as other centered suffering. It is right speech in action. It is attitude and intention oriented with a focus on inner calm and affirmation. It is empathy based.

So what might closure sound like? “I really enjoyed our hike today, and deeply appreciate all the time you took in planning it, and especially in making our snack, it was a perfect nibble while we looked across the mountains amid late spring wildflowers budding.” (OK, that was a run-on sentence, a bit wordy, but you get the idea.) Or “Thanks for being here today; it is clear that even when we disagree, my appreciation for you grows.” Or “Drive home peacefully and patiently, today’s winter roads can be slippery. Looking forward to seeing you again next week.” “Thanks for reviewing your calendar and suggesting some times for us to meet next week, but the week after would be better if you have anything opens then. And thanks for your patience with my complicated schedule.” “You put so much thought into making dinner special, and I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to spend these past few hours just being with friends and enjoying each others’ company.